How IFS Parts Work Helps with Arousal Blocks and Shame
An Austin intimacy coach on meeting the parts of you that hold back.
Maybe you want to feel desire, but something shuts it down. Or you feel a wave of shame during intimacy, or just after. You're not broken, and you're not alone. A lot of my clients come to me with exactly this.
One of the ways I work with it is Internal Family Systems (IFS), also called parts work.
What "parts" means
IFS starts from a simple idea: each of us is made of many parts. One part of you might long for closeness. Another part might go numb, get anxious or pull away. These parts aren't enemies. Each one usually took on its job for a reason, often to protect you.
When arousal won't come or shame takes over, there's often a protective part at work. In IFS we don't try to override it or argue it away. We get curious about it.
What we do in a session
A virtual IFS session with me is 60 minutes. Together we:
- ✦Notice what shows up when you think about desire, touch or intimacy: a feeling, a tightness, a voice, a blank.
- ✦Get to know that part. What is it afraid would happen if it stopped doing its job?
- ✦Listen with compassion instead of judgment, so the part doesn't have to work as hard to be heard.
- ✦Make room for the parts of you that want connection and pleasure, at whatever pace feels okay.
You stay in charge the whole time. Nothing is forced, and we only go where you're willing to go.
Why curiosity instead of pushing through
Many people try to fix arousal blocks by trying harder. That often makes the protective part push back harder too. Meeting it with curiosity can change how you relate to it. Shame tends to lose some of its grip when it's met with understanding instead of more criticism.
I can't promise a particular result, and parts work is not medical or mental health treatment. If you have a health concern, please talk to a qualified provider. What I offer is a steady, non-judgmental space to understand yourself more fully.
How IFS fits with the rest of my work
My approach blends IFS with nervous system awareness, sensual embodiment, Authentic Relating, Circling and Non-violent Communication. Some clients do IFS on its own. Others pair it with Relateful sessions, also 60 minutes, to practice being seen and heard. For in-person clients in Austin, parts work can also be woven into longer embodied sessions.
Getting started
- ✦Not sure yet? Book a 15-minute Curiosity Call ($45) to see if we're a good fit.
- ✦Ready to begin? Book a 60-minute Parts Work / IFS session ($120) from the Sessions page.